Monday, August 30, 2010

Polyamory and Patriarchy Zine Questionnaire

This is a zine an amazing aquaintance of mine is putting together.
Please send your stories to:, or mail them to 4951 Catharine St., Philadelphia, PA 19143.

Polyamory and Patriarchy Zine Questionnaire

These questions are for a zine I’m writing about polyamory and patriarchy. So often, people feel either that polyamory is the only revolutionary way to be intimate, or the worst way. I’d like to hear what you’ve learned from polyamory – ways it felt liberatory, and ways it may have felt like familiar oppressive gender roles dressed up in revolutionary language. My agenda isn’t to discredit polyamory, but to identify how much we have to learn about truly liberatory relationships.
These questions are fairly personal and ask you to revisit some painful memories, so please take your time, answer only what you feel comfortable answering, and let me know how you want your anonymity protected. Please use pseudonyms! Do give me contact info, though, if you want to review how I use your material before the zine is published.

1. Let’s start with gender. What gender roles did you learn from your family of origin? From the media? From your chosen community? How do you express gender now – is it different than how you were socialized to express gender?

2. What were your reasons for first trying polyamory? Was it your idea or a partner’s? Did you have any models in your community for successful polyamorous relationships?

3. What was the most empowering experience you’ve had in polyamory?

4. What was the hardest situation to handle in a polyamorous relationship? Looking back, what would you have done differently, if anything?

5. What kinds of insecurities did polyamory raise? Did they concern your gender or body image? How did you handle these insecurities?

6. How have you felt most empowered in polyamory? How has it felt expansive, liberatory, or healing?

7. Do you have a different kind of intimacy with lovers than with friends? Who are you more likely to turn to for emotional support?

8. How do your expectations change based on what kind of relationship you’re in? Do you have different standards of behavior for partners and lovers?

9. Has polyamory ever made you feel silenced, or unable to ask for what you needed?
What have your relationships with your lover’s other lovers been like? How have you handled feelings of jealousy and competition? How have you handled your partner’s jealousy?

10. Tell me a little about your best relationship, polyamorous or otherwise, and what made it work so well.

11. Today, what is your ideal relationship?

12. Do you want to see the zine before it’s published? Do you want a copy mailed to you? If so, let me know how to reach you.

Please send your stories to:, or mail them to 4951 Catharine St., Philadelphia, PA 19143.

I also welcome your analysis and thoughts about sexual politics, polyamory, and this project – thanks!


Bri Z. said...

i can't answer these questions myself as i've never been in any kind of polyamorous relationship, but i'd love to read this when it's done. think i should just email them to keep me posted?

also, i owe you zines from berea fest still. it was nice to meet you if even briefly! will try to mail things soon :)
-bri (or that girl with your drawing tattooed on her haha)

sample said...

Very hard to answer, anyways i have shared this with facebook and waiting for the responds..

questionnaire template

Dark Daughta said...

Oh! I thought your questions were going to be about polyamory and patriarchy. :) Did you end up publishing the zine? I hope so. I think that this is a much ignored aspect of poly, politicizing and conscientizing relationships between people who love/lust across gender with poly as a framework. There is a lot of liberalism and silence when it comes to what it means for poly people some of us being recipients of patriarchy, to do multiple elationships with people who experience the privileges of patriarchy. Or, at least, that's what came up for me when I read that you were doing a zine about poly and patriarchy. :)